Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
