we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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