he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
