We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
