Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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