when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
