His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
