I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
