I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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