I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
