Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
