it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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