just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
