just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
