Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
