i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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