Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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