are you so shy because you have an std?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
