I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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