I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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