I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
