i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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