You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
