So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
