Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
