I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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