rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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