ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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