i think my tv is drunk
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
