I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
