i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
