You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
