I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
