I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
