the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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