I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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