smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
