Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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