shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
