she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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