he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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