Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
