You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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