Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
