If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
