I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
