brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
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I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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