Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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