He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
