I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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