like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
