when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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