Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
