He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
