thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
