I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
