There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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