i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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