If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
