You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
