Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
