I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
