The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
