I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
