I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
