Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
