i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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